you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
