So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
