We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
