dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
