Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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