it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
