You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
