I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My penis needs a shock collar
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
