YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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