I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
