that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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