Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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