the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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