She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
sex in a hospital.. check
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
