I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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