It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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