everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
