I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
