Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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