brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
