the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
