he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize