I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
