Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
