I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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