Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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