I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
