I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
