I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
