Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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