yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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