Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
