I am spending my child support on dildos
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize