You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
