I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
