I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
