Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
