I'm jealous of your bromance
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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