I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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