We won't sleep together?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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