Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
