we're chasing vodka with high fives
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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