I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
