In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
