She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
