I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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