No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
