Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
