Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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