So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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