how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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