I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
