Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
