i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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