oh god the rape fog is back!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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