Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
