there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
