i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Less talking, more tequila
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
