I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
