He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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