Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
