he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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