hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
