I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
