Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
a search helicopter?!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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