i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
