Who wears a wallet chain?!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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