I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize