She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
