the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
