He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Rumble strips road head = magical
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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