Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
