Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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