oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
