We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
