Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
