high people should be assigned attendants
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
