where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just made out with a guy for $7.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
