it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
whose parrot is this?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
