I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
