He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
