Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
