his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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