I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
