You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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