bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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