I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i came on her dog
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
