In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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