so explain again why im purple
no
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
