I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
