Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
