i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I want to fling myself into the sun
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize