There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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