No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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