You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
