I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Randomize