The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
