Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
