cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
