I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
