is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
