Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Randomize