i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i dont even know how to be here
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
