also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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