Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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