I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
