Sacagawea was the original milf.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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