ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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