He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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