So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
