So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
