Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
