PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
