Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
