those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
