last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
