how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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