I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
