oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
